| Something that was interesting |
[03 Oct 2006|09:14pm] |
8 July 1984
Your date of conception was on or about 16 October 1983 which was a Sunday.
You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Cancer.
Your Life path number is 1.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445889.5.
The golden number for 1984 is 9.
The epact number for 1984 is 27.
The year 1984 was a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/2/1984 and ending 2/19/1985.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Woodpecker; your plant is Wild Rose.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 9 Tammuz 5744.
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 22 April 1984.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 22 April 1984.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 7 March 1984.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 10 June 1984.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 17 June 1984.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 25 September 1984.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Sunday, 15 April 1984.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 6 March 1984.
As of 10/3/2006 9:05:39 PM EDT
You are 22 years old.
You are 267 months old.
You are 1,160 weeks old.
You are 8,122 days old.
You are 194,949 hours old.
You are 11,696,945 minutes old.
You are 701,816,739 seconds old.
Celebrities who share your birthday:
Kathleen Robertson (1973) Toby Keith (1961) Kevin Bacon (1958)
Christopher G. Moore (1952) Marianne Williamson (1952) Anjelica Huston (1951)
Steve Lawrence (1935) Roone Arledge (1931) Billy Eckstine (1914)
Nelson Rockefeller (1908) John D. Rockefeller (1839)
Top songs of 1984
Like a Virgin by Madonna When Doves Cry by Prince
Jump by Van Halen Footloose by Kenny Loggins
What's Love Got to Do with It by Tina Turner Against All Odds by Phil Collins
I Just Called to Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr.
Karma Chameleon by Culture Club Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.17886497064579 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
There are 278 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 23 candles.
Those 23 candles produce 23 BTUs,
or 5,796 calories of heat (that's only 5.7960 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.63 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1984 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.
In 1984 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1984 in the US there were 2,487,000 marriages (10.5%) and 1,155,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1984 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
In 1984 the population of Australia was approximately 15,677,282.
In 1984 there were approximately 234,034 births in Australia.
In 1984 in Australia there were approximately 108,655 marriages and 43,124 divorces.
In 1984 in Australia there were approximately 109,914 deaths.
Your birthstone is Ruby
The Mystical properties of Ruby
Ruby is said to open one's heart to love.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Carnelian
Your birth tree is
Fir Tree, the Mysterious
Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it,rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
There are 83 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 96 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing gibbous.
Copyright © 2006 Paul R. Sadowski (http://www.paulsadowski.com)
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| House on fire! |
[19 Jan 2006|08:58pm] |
Ok this entry if for those who still listen to this old page. My house burned up. Now before you jump on things, I already got a place, Red Cross helped me, I got new furnature and about 80% of my belongings where salvagable. I grew a beard because I couldn't use my old razor anymore and it itches to high heavens. *scratches beard* Grew in well though... but it's more long scruffy whiskers... :D anyhow to the matter.
I was forced to move because my old house burned down. The insurance company marked the building as a "complete loss" meaning that it would take more the 30,000 dollars "or something like that" to repair the building and replace the belongings. So the insurance company jumped onto the "loss of possessions" part.
My stuff I lost "which was 20% by amount, not by mass" was not covered by her insurance, but as a beneifit to the matter, she gave me 400 dollars to aid me in my place. now my place only costs "295" a month and that inclueds electricity and water "I have to pay heating on my own" I put up the security deposite "being 295" and paid for this months and next months rent. ^^
I am waiting till the end of the month to see what bills I do have till I hook up internet and other features. So expect me to be offline for a while or untill I cant bear it and jump to get it hooked up.
^^
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| found this interesting |
[07 Dec 2005|11:48pm] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In May I broke ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) porkchopnoodles's X-Box (-12 points). Last Friday I didn't flush (-1 points). In October I committed genocide... Sorry about that, singcalliope (-5000 points). In July I gave phloyd a Dutch Oven (-10 points). Last Saturday I helped shadow_mage see the light (8 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-5015 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!
Sincerely,
burazechan |
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| Soem good news |
[18 Aug 2005|12:55am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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NONE!!! STILL NO MUSIC |
] |
Alright I remember praying to find something new to download. Well I got a whopper to download.
I lost all my poems I had on my computer, but they are saved up on DA, saved my book I am writing as well.
But my OS transfer went WELL seriously. With my new HDD... I see 3 seconds of my boot screen... it used to be 15 seconds. It comes on the bar moves once over... and WOMP I'm already logging into my logon screen. *dances*
Cares computer, Lillium, should be done by tomarrow, but I want to see about giving her a good clean before I do any shipping. I cant send my daughter out without her properly cleaned.
I was able to recover about 58% of my lost data over all, I threw most of it out "the stuff I could just redownload" and got a list made up
Anime
---------------
Amae Naide Yo
Onmyou Taisenki
Damekko Doubutsu*
He is My Master*
Full Metal Panic - The Second Raid*
Futakoi Alternative*
Tsubasa Chronicles*
--------------------------
Flame of Recca
Samurai 7
Otogi Jushi Akazukin
My-Hime
Steam Boy
Beyond the Clouds
One Peice Movie 1
Inuyasha
Gunparade March
School Rumble *
Xeno Saga
Gravion
Read or Die TV
Slayers
One Peice
Full Metal Alchemist
"The first half is series incomplete, the second half is series complete."
Music
----------------
Bleach OST
UVERWorld - De-techno life
Kotoko
Hitomi
Angela
Soukyuu no Fafner OST
Saikano OST
Naruto
Full Metal Alchemist
Ah! My goddess
Full Moon Wo Sagashite
Shingetsutan Tsukihime
Orange Range
Asian Kung Fu Generation
Flow
Mai Hime OST
Mahou Sensei Negima
Full Metal Panic
Witch Hunter Robin
Mahoromatic
Noir
Sister Princess Repure
Scrapped Princess
BON-BON BLANCO
Final Fantasy 7
Onegai Teacher
Onegai Twins
Kiddy Grade
Last Exile
Inuyasha
Gundam Seed
He is My Master
Kingdom Hearts
Utada Hikaru
Elfen Lied
Full Metal Panic Fumoffu
Hack Sign
Gate Keepers
Gate Keepers 21
Stance Punks
Haibane Renmei
Now there are other more "english based songs" on a seperate list. But my main concern was the loss of my anime database. The music list was mainly made up from memory.
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| *Head learned to break desk* |
[16 Aug 2005|09:36am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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NONE!!! I FUCKING LOST MY MUSIC |
] |
ARG!!! I lost over 80 gigs of anime material, ALL MY MUSIC, ALL MY WALLPAPERS.... my collection of ISO's... FUCK!! I'm pissed and sad and trying to get my harddrive to be recovered.
I was trying to set it up as a boot disk... but the problem was it asked me to move all the files.... Well all of a sudden, it kicked in and just reformated the boot sector. Making it so what I did recover go bye bye...
The only way I thought I could continue on is to continue the proceduer. I have, now it's going to be a long process of recovery.
I'm not even sure how much if any I can recover...
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| No ifs buts and or ands! |
[15 Jul 2005|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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Ok first of all I wanted to bring up the fact that I loved my trip up to Canada. Second of all my birthday was the best ever!! I haven't celebrated it since I was 6 years old. And even then it was celebrated on the 6th because my own mom couldn't remember I was born on the 8th ><.
But 6 people remembering my birthday... was... almost priceless on it's own. I have gotten person after person saying "I promise I wont forget" but this has been the first time people have remembered. ^^ I was happy.
Second off, pretty much, I have called out that an old friend of mine is no longer a friend and I predict she will be drifting away from me within months time. I'll only a distant memory to her, that's if she even remembers. If I brought it up to her though, she's stuborn enough to try and make it go further, but I'm tired of being forgotten time after time over. So even though I care for her and she says she cares for me, to end my suffering I'm letting it die out. I will miss her dearly as I called her my kin once and she called me that. To think of it grimly, she was only wanting someone there for that moment. But that may be a overly pessemistic thing for me to say, but she got a BF and stopped talking to me almost right after. Though having to remind someone you care dearly about that you exsist "or that's how I feel about it" hurts deeply inside.
I pray to the gods, and the shards that will listen, hoping I can keep such a dear friend, but I pray to them as well that if I do keep her, to stop hurting me inside.
But I am genuinely happy neglect that one flaw. I have friends, I have plans. And I have people I truly can feel care for me. I thank you all, I thank you all for being here for me, caring for me and showing kindness and consideration to me. I dont know how I can be who I am now without you all. I can walk in life almost fearlessly knowing I have people I can protect. I can walk my path and know that I am cared for and that I have someone I can talk to when I return. I thank the shards that make up our flaming souls, that I have found someone so dear to me as well. She's like my sister ^^ well she's a bit more then that to me. A loved one, kin, above a sister but still. ^^
Poem of this one "it's off the hip"
I feel to cry
My souls aflame
I feel inside
My hearts serenade
And I see with my eyes
The peace that is inside
From the long dark storm
Lead from miles of sea
My tears gone dry
Within my mind
The stars above
Seens when I squint
And do not cry
My dreams may die
But I will ressurect them all
With my clasic necro powers
That flow from bunghole
As to remember
Is to fly
On the jet stream
In my sky.
*smiles widely* Hope you all enjoy. But I cant beleive that I actually wrote my poem like that ^^
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| This is a Rant among other things |
[20 Jun 2005|02:12pm] |
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mood |
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good |
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Ok this is a warning to all. I do not want judgement or people feeling sorry for me. If you want to say something about the better things of life. I would love to hear it. But this is me reflecting my feelings about myself and others.
Now the things is. All the people I like as in interested in... are taken. Now there is only three people I even considered in this manner. But in honesty that list is only two.
But they are both taken. I dont know what is wrong with me, but it seems I have this problem with trying to get to the top. I want to be supreme or some stupid thing. But both of them are taken. And I feel bad because it's not me that can make them happy. I wish I could and when I cant... I feel ABSOLUTELY miserable when I cant make those I care about happiest. I feel like running away from them when I cant because I feel like I am the reason they feel like shit or are not happy. Even though I'm told I am not the reason. I still feel at fault for not being able to help. In honesty. I am looking forward at this point for not having internet for a week or more. I know I'm going to regret saying that later. But Right now I just want to run away from myself. This is because I am greedy and still yet to grow up. I have a inner child still and it still cries and tosses hissy fits. Even though I may not show such feelings or things. I am and have them. I still wish and I hope that's eough for my future.
*prays on his knees to his father* I hope I inherited the full of your blood and I hope I do not give up even having so much pain inside. I know you never told me your pain. But I know what you felt inside father.
Ok on the brighter side of things. I am suposed to move into my new place tomarrow. Well today but not fully till tomarrow. I am hoping to have everything set up within 3 days and I am happy to got a new place. I wil be able to save about 160 a month. Meaning 12 months by 160... that's enough for me if you ask me. I could move on that I have to say. But I am garenteed more hours so I may be getting 180-200 a month. I am happy.
I'm thinking of stopping at a store that sells plants and buying some plants. I love plants, I like to nuture things unbeleivably so. I feel bad when I dont have anything to look after. And as Care knows. I will spoil people rotten when given the chance.
My computer should be here within the week. So I am happy about that as well. I am guessing 3-5 days from now.
And I will be ordering a DVD burner for Care's loved one... I dont know what she considers him since they had that quewirble. "the relationship discussions." So I can bring it up when I visit. But I have yet to talk to Jasons mom about this, she considers me her son so I think it's right to inform her about the trip so she doesn't worry about me. =D. Kinda nice. I never had a mom so this is somewhat comforting.
I will be trying to keep people up to date about all this that happens in my life. But today is the first time where writing in a journal made me feel somewhat better.
Now today's poem.
Wish
-------------------------
Reach out to the stars
Which call out to the far
The wish you seek
Can only be reached
By the height of your mind
To tug and pull
Of fates door
Can only eventually lead
To a new path of happiness
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| WAR!!! |
[10 Jun 2005|11:55pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Kotoko - Princess Bride |
] |
I would like to ask all to not think to deeply into this post.
The point of this post is dealing with internal battles. They are now becoming more and more predomonant in my life.
"Should I" and "Shouldn't I" seems to be a question I ask myself alot these days, depending on the answer the outcome is an emotion. Happy or Depressed seem pretty much the choices now and days. Then again both have founding.
But the thing is "Logic Vs. Emotion" You can never win that one. Unless you aren't stuborn at all, then your emotions will always get the best of you.
In fact I had a nice example happen not to long ago from when I post this.
It has to deal with another of my friends I have been having ALOT of doubt about seeing she has changed yet she wants me to accept the fact without knowing WHAT has changed besides that she is not the person I remember AT ALL. She still seems... somewhat caring... but she is acsorbed in a multitude of worlds and asking me to "wait" without saying wait... but to the example
"I should just stop talking to her period"
"No you shouldn't Blaze... You shouldn't reject her because you dont know her anymore."
"She is making to many promises that she wont keep."
"That is no reason why you should push her away"
"But she doesn't even seem to care anymore."
"That is a point but you should still see about giving her a chance."
"How can I give her a chance when I feel constantly second handed?"
"That is not how you should think about it."
"Then HOW should I think about it?"
That arguement inside of me was one to vote in "Give her a chance."
But the thing about this all is. WHY do I have to do this? It happens so often now and days and I should have stopped it a while back. I think it's because my emotions are becoming a predominant exsistance for me again. This seems to hapeen every 2 years.
I wish many times over that I could rip out emotions period. But I have to find a way to cope with them not rip them out. I will only hurt myself more if I do that.
it's been only a few years since I was able to record my first "actual" emotionabout 6 years now. And seeing I have lived 20. 1-14 somewhere in that time they had to get shut down. But I know when and why. To tell the tale of my pain and suffering again would only be a pain in my ass as I would see myself trying to obtain "more" attention. I should just let go and find a way on my own.
I am tired of living with people. I am tired of relying on people. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of seeing my mistakes repeated constantly over an over.
Is there a reason I have to care? No but I do. Is there a reason I am kind? No but I am. Is there a reason I am considerate? Yes, but the story is to long for you all. Or more so I am tired of bothering with the story.
Now without Adue my newest poem that I didn't get crap for marks on.
I came to see
I went to far
Way past legends door
Tires scraping
Death in wake
Seeing the blood wash
Past my face
I cant hear
Within the shock
Broken lungs
And my broken heart
My eyes tainted
Red by a stain
From my friends face
Scraped off the car
Woe I cry
Tears in rage
Trying to grasp
The voice that's caged
I cry my tears
I cry in pain
Of a friend's life
Lost to the page of history
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| Hell on Earth and Good Will to Man |
[06 Jun 2005|04:31pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Cool Joke - Undo |
] |
Well I am updating. I am bored. Just looked in the paper to see about other options for a appartment.
Nothing new really. I hope I can get a place soon. But it is easier said then done... I have about 800 in the bank... and I have a god job at tops. "Well shitty but stable, good would pay 12 an hour."
I may though however start working Night Crew at Tops again "Meaning I get 7 an hour, 7.65 once the Union pulls the contract together."... Oh hell is coming.... HELL HAS CAME!!!
Ok I am just making it seem like a delusional encounter with... the 6th kind.
But I stil haven't gotten a place of my own. I was basically fired from my other job "They had money issues and they thought just one day a week wasn't all that much. So They canned me saying they'll call me when they need me." Which I really dont work on call basis. That is crap and I will not deal with it.
Though besides that. Life has been good. Though it has a certian rythem that can be described as too easy. Almost boring. Day in Day out... I wish I was asked to do more things. I like to work... even if all I get is lunch.
Anyhow I will end this here and post my newest poem. I made it for my friend, Shadow Mage.
Tattered Wings
------------------
Rippling fate
Flown on tattered wings
Evergrace bracing the uncertian things
Ever sight brought by
Loves cry, granting memories
That had long past by
Though my memories,
Flwon on tattered wings
Guide me higher then the past
My misery in my eye
Sought memories so not to cry
The past grant my future
As I sink creatively
To the skies.
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| Why More? |
[24 May 2005|07:17pm] |
Why am I posting more pics of me? Because I am a perfectionist. Not because I like myself. But because I was displeased that I actually took pics of me when I was unkept :(. I had not washed my hair so it looked knotty, I had not shaven. "I had let my whiskers drow for 1 week by that point" And I didn't like those facts alone. So I took a couple more.
  
and today's poem is as listed.
To the morning Breeze
I wish to wake to
The mistful raindroplets
Roll fluently from the leaves
I can see the rainbow edge
Trimed by the golden morning sun
As I wake up from the nights sleep
I still seek my slumber
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[24 May 2005|01:02am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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You're a very mellow, care-free person. Your
exactly what calm, cool, and collected mean.
You never overreact or panic in a bad situation
and you always know what to do. Everyone goes
to you for advice because you never lose your
head so your very reliable. You tend to take
everything in stride, like in school your moto
is just sit back and relax not to say you dont
pay attention and work, but you dont overexert
yourself. Even though people come to you for
counciling(sp?) you can still be very quite,
your not good with making new friends, but your
extremely close to the ones you have. Remember
its ok to put your emotions out there even
though there is a chance they might get hurt.
Also in school sometimes its good to stress out
a little, just because you think you dont need
to study doesnt mean you should'nt, and also
try to push yourself more even though you might
be good where you are doesnt mean you can,t be
better. Check out my new short story.
Whats Your Personality(with PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla
you're an elemental angel. an elemental angel is an
angel that is bonded to the elements and
nature.
what kind of angel are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Hidden Power Is:
Earthly
You are sort of childish yet brave. If you get
pissed off you become a very strong fighter.
You hate seeing the earth die and you use your
special powers to save the earth from becoming
hell. You are loved by many and hated by few
but you only despise those that try and destroy
your wonderful earth.
Gem Stone:Emerald Eye Color:Lime
Green Hair Color:Brown with green on the
bottom tips and it is shoulder length flipped
out.
Quote:I tear my heart open. I sew my
self shut. My weakness is that i care to much.
And our scars remind us that the past is real.
I tear my heart open just to feel.
What Is Your True Hidden Power? .::Beautiful Anime Pics::.
brought to you by Quizilla
Three tests should be enough.
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| Shard Theory Talk |
[18 May 2005|02:44am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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Ok This is cold hard logic, not normal caring me. But this is a good sum up of the shard theory as it has developed
(02:10:17) guest: Here's a bit of a question. What do you think about religion?
(02:10:37) burazechan: which one?
(02:10:53) guest: Any, really. Just religion in general
(02:11:02) burazechan: which one?
(02:11:03) burazechan: lol
(02:11:12) burazechan: well I'm a Shard Theorist
(02:11:19) burazechan: that's my own religion
(02:11:23) burazechan: I am the only member
(02:11:29) burazechan: the shard theory dictate that
(02:11:41) burazechan: the exssitance was once one
(02:12:16) burazechan: the balance we have now is to slowly peice together the many "shards" that was once one intoa whole again
(02:12:43) burazechan: as we live we gain and circulate matter, energy, and ideas
(02:12:56) burazechan: memories
(02:13:22) burazechan: upon death the body is represented to the whole that is 'the planet"
(02:13:42) burazechan: each planet has it's own network in which life would cycle
(02:13:48) guest: Gaia theory lol
(02:14:05) burazechan: As each one has a gravatational pull
(02:14:14) burazechan: "a center of gathering"
(02:14:26) burazechan: Now all things are based on wave lengths
(02:14:52) burazechan: So a shard is a "out of tune" wavelength
(02:15:01) burazechan: that can not bind back to the "exsistance"
(02:15:29) burazechan: things like like gods are just larger out of tune wavelengths
(02:15:45) guest: Very interesting concept, actually.
(02:16:13) burazechan: chaotic factors that cause more disturbance in the frequency as they are a "breakaway" wave
(02:16:21) guest: I believe that in some way we are all divine. Not like gods, not our physical bodies.
(02:16:56) burazechan: We are all part of that which is all and as an "all" we have the same capability as what would be ordaned as "devine"
(02:17:50) guest: I don't feel that we are all of the world, or of some greater whole. Not in the same way you do.
(02:18:12) guest: Though that's just difference in viewpoints
(02:18:54) burazechan: we "where" part of a "whole" not "are"
(02:19:07) burazechan: past tence
(02:19:12) burazechan: we are disruptions
(02:19:28) guest: Are of the world as in were of the same.
(02:19:29) burazechan: singular wavelengths that exsist indipendantly
(02:20:56) guest: Have you ever thought everyone is precious? Just because they exist?
(02:21:52) burazechan: no sadly
(02:23:30) burazechan: just junk mostly. Spacific people I veiw have promise. But I aim for that indipendant wave length out of the exsistance. Some people have the capability in my mind to ... well...sway the masses "sway the rest of the indipendant wave forms" to bend and flex one dirrection. Making them more a whole.
(02:23:58) guest: Adolf Hitler
(02:24:31) burazechan: good exaomple.. but... I didn't like the fact he thought some wave forms where disposable just because they looked different
(02:24:55) guest: You would hate my characters then. I based their entire culture on Nazi Germany.
(02:25:42) guest: Though their goal was genetic purity and erradicating anything flawed.
(02:26:23) burazechan: *shrugs* that's not bad. just not how I would go about it lol
(02:26:46) guest: I tried to think of something that justifies taking a life lol.
(02:26:51) guest: Do you know what I came up with?
(02:33:08) burazechan: Judas?
(02:33:20) guest: Nope
(02:33:28) guest: I didn't come up with anything
(02:33:34) burazechan: lol
(02:33:58) guest: All life is precious, even if that life can cause serious problems
(02:35:36) burazechan: I dont veiw it as precious
(02:35:39) burazechan: just exsistant
(02:35:47) burazechan: they have their indipendant uses
(02:37:33) guest: Hehe. Difference in opinion.
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| Bad Day but I'm happy =D |
[10 Mar 2005|09:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Sounds of Ragnarok, Falling from the Heavens |
] |
Today sucked. I was woke up this morning to my manager calling me into work at 11:30am "the time was 9am" I instantly replyed "how about 1pm"
More hours. That was a good idea. Not like they where bad but I forgot to wrap my knees and take my ibuprophen. "600mg" So I came out hurting. I could hardly stand "I can walk well over 30 miles. but if I stand in one spot my knees settle into the impact damage I have and it hurts like hell"'
Ok that was done.
The next thing was is that I came in early to make sure I could have something made for me. "Chicken Finger Sub" Well the thing was is that I ordered it. Came back. Picked up the order then left it in the lounge room we have for employee's I came back on a break Break and started to eat the sub only to find out it was a Chicken Fillet sub. TO ADD ONTO THAT!!! it was Raw meat. WHAT THE FUCK!!! So I threw it out "I know the person that made it and she doesn't pay attention to shit. She just grabs something and does it her way." So I have to make sure that I have either two spacific employee's back there or not get one at all.
That order of bussiness over with. I got my money back later that day but I was scared that I might have gotten something because I started to feel sick. Well that ended after and hour. "Thank god for my stomach of steel which only weakness I have truly is hot and spicy things"
Then everyone left. I was happy to be alone. Then my manager came up to tell me that they wheren't going to do the moving anytime soon "my promotion" because of some deals with front end. Well I dont want front end for a job though. But he assured me that he had a few ideas. Him and the store manager had a few ideas for me because I have an incredible ability to communicate with other people.
He even told me that I should keep smiling. "For those that I know I told, I had theorized they wanted to promote me for my smile" That confirmed it. lol. But he kept telling me that there where many options. But to fit me into a higher position was like playing chess. I so wanted to tell him. "Sometimes you have to removed the pawn so that you can make a check Mate" But I didn't want him to take anyone out unnessesarally.
So no promotion now. But I get payed a whopping 6.50 an hour -_- but I have been hearing that the store's minimal wage will be lifted to 7 dollars an hour. Even heard that they will pay you for the back pay of that increasement.
That sounds far fetched but I wouldn't mind having that back pay :D.
I also found out that I can get my glasses covered. Free eye exam and coverage on my glasses. I want it. lol. I'm calling into see about the details tomarrow. I need glasses, every day it gets harder to see I swear.
Also I have to add at the end of this.
I was hit on by three girls. I had to have it pointed out by my friend in back of me. But I saw it happening. I swear I'm dense. Sadly 2 of the 3 was older women 34-41 area. Neither looked bad or anything. I found them charming... BUT THEIR AGE!!! I find it a little unfair :s
Now for my poem.
To the waves
Of infinaty
Which beat within our hearts
To the waves of wind
Ever circling
The world which has no ends
To my life
Which beats
Within and infinate resonance
I see the fights
Beguiled instantly
By our impure anger
And I look
I watch
Hoping it wont stop
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|
| Good Day, Bad Day? |
[09 Mar 2005|09:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
Well I have a few stressful things. Seems like a friend has drifted away. My rat is taking up on some serious problems "closer to death"
Names of friend will not be stated here because I do not wish questions to be raised. I will mention that it is a female friend of mine. Or could be a distant friend.
A part of me hates what has happened. A part of me hates the person. A part of me worries about what is happening. A part of me worries about the person.
Quite the load. I mean I try to show my concern. Try to be someone that can be entertaining to her. I try to be there and understanding. But I just get "I'm busy" and that "it's not your fault" Then an explaination that doesn't match up to busy and leaving a large gap making me feel like something was my fault. All making me feel like a lower priority. That is what makes me want to walk away. In honesty. I dont know who has walked away first. I truely am looking over my shoulder on this one. Not like I want to lose her as a friend. I didn't want to lose Shay either but I didn't feel like I was her friend anylonger so I removed her. And I haven't heard a word from her since. I never told her I removed her.
But in honesty it feels like what happened with Shay "another old friend" She picked up a boy friend. Then stopped talking to me almost completely. When she did talk to me it was because her boyfriend was not accessable. I felt completely second handed. I felt like I wasn't really a friend anymore. That's why I took her off my Yahoo list.
Same thing is kinda happening here. I hear something about a mate across the seas. Next time I talk to her she tells me how good this person is. After that it was "I'm busy" "I'm busy" I would ask what she was busy about and 4/5 times I was told it was not my fault and was left hanging after that point.
Yes I'm confused and that is why certian things get repeated. I also have my fears. Also my angers. In this case it's fear of abandonment and anger at being second handed.
Yes I like having friends but I dont fear throwing them away if I get second handed. I dont like to be alone but I'm content being alone. As long as I have a computer that is. The computer mind has always been with me in a sense so I kinda respect it more then people claiming to be friends. Plus my computer doesn't talk to me. It just makes me angery when it stalls on me lol.
I know it takes alot of energy for me though. I am a highly antisocial person. I was diagnosed with a mass Avoident Personality disorder. No one but my Dad. The people who found me creepy for avoiding them. And maybe 2 of my old friends in alaska knew I was actually diagnosed.
This is my way of saying I do have problems. My hyper active attitude is me over compensating for my natural personality that I have to add. No one has seen as of yet. If they look really hard they can see behaviors that are.
Ok this is nor illrelevant. I hate humans. Like everything else. The end of that peice.
Back to the main idea. I may like friends, may dislike people, but I absolutely cant stand to be rejected.
The end of that peice. Now to the health of my rat. For this we will tune into Blaze Townsend -_-
Scabbard is getting senial, aggrovated, he can hardly walk on all fours and he is having problems with his eyes and nose. Because of him not being able to smell he accidently bit me thinking I was giving him pancakes. -_- I didn't like it. He actually drew blood on me.
As to end this damned thing, A poem if I can make it.
The red of dusk
The dark of night
Lays my sight
With my eyes
I peirce the sound
Of the voice
The wind of whispers
The mind of lambs
All herded to their endless bounds
All in faint
Of my darkest sight
I would still feel bound
As I would have loved
I had fallen
Into the despare of my anger
I would like to note to anyone that reads this far. The poem speaks more of my mind then the journal above. I had tainted my worry with anger then selfishness. Though you can pick truth to the above. You can never listen to anger even if it's your own.
I am just worrying about a friend. I'm worrying if I will be forgotten. Forgive me for my selfishness. I beg of you all.
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|
| Procrastination? |
[08 Mar 2005|12:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Sounds of Ragnarok Sing in my Head |
] |
Yes I am a fool for procrastination. I feel I lack motivations needed to excel forward with many aspect in life. Sure I can figure alot of things out. Sure I can handle alot of situations. But the thing is is that I sit around waiting for the world to be set on my shoulders. "Not like I want to me like Atlas here. I am just trying to state that I know I'm capable of more then just the crap I've been doing."
Work, Go home Play games. Dont even call the people I say I will. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!! How hard is it to pick up the phone and type in 8 digits? HUH! Well It's been obvious that it's hard for me either that or there's something that I dont like about it. EITHER WAY. I need to deal with it.
This whole thing with a promotion. "For those who haven't been in contact with me via messangers. Which also means that you are most likely not an importance in my life. I would like to bring this up to you so you are all informed. I was given a proposition to get a promotion. Inclueding more hours and more pay."
Well the thing with that is that I have not put enout initiative into this. Ontop of that I may get dumped into a really crappy situation soon. To avoid the sounds of pissing and moaning I wont even mention who would be the person to dump me into the load and why they think that it's ok EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE ILL INFORMED ABOUT APPARTMENT COMPLEXES.
Either way I need to get moving. This whole post is more amotivational thing for me at this time. So I can look back on this and see if I didn't take my own advice and be able to call myself a loser. I mean I dont like to be a loser. I like to keep to myself. I like to play on m computer. I like to write things and the such. But I need to bite a few bullets here and actully do something so I can move on. Maybe I can move out of state and get into a college finally. Hell why dont I start looking for a college? Wont that be such a grand idea Blaze?
But of course Blaze maybe then you can see if you are as smart as people say you are.
Yes I am mad at myself. But at least I'm not depressing overmyself because I feel like I'm rotting away. I'm trying to move the whole farm that is me to a cleaner ground. Or at least pick up the trash that is on the current farm.
Welp for a poem... I'm going to think this off the top of my mind. I mean I made this a customary thing on my posts. I should at least follow it.
The moons shine
Through stung eyes
I see unclouded
My fall and fate
The wings of tomarrow
Fall on my path
As I see the sun
Waking the nearby plants
To seed and sew
To feel and grow
The memories of now
Run all to slow
My thoughts
Of now
Come to pass
I still frown
Yet I still see the light
Of the flowers of bloom
I can still frown
And feel the gloom
|
|
| Something to Start Back Up |
[04 Mar 2005|06:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Asian Kung-Fu Generation - Rewrite |
] |
.Who are you?
. Are we friends?
. When and how did we meet?
. Do you have a crush on me?
. Would you kiss me?
. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
. Describe me in one word.
. What was your first impression?
. Do you still think that way about me now?
. What reminds you of me?
. If you could give me anything what would it be?
. How well do you know me?
. When's the last time you saw me?
. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
. How have I affected you?
. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
. How long do you think we will be friends?
. Do you love me?
. Would you hug me?
. Physically, what stands out?
. Emotionally, what stands out?
. Do you wish I was cooler?
. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
. Am I lovable?
. What do you think my weakness is?
. Do you think I'll get married?
. What makes me happy?
. What makes me sad?
. Do you think I could kill someone?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
» I died from suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:
» Family:
WOULD YOU:
» Be my friend?:
» Have sex with me?
» Lie to make me feel better?:
» Spread rumors about me?:
» Keep a secret if I told you one?:
» Loan me some cash?:
» Hold my hand?:
» Take a bullet for me?:
» Keep in touch?:
» Try and solve my problems?:
» Date me?:
This was just something to start Back up with. This will also tell me how many people actully check my Live journal still *raises an eyebrow* Though it's been a while.
|
|
| Astrology? |
[05 Apr 2004|01:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
You know. I like looking through that astrology bullshit. If calling it bullshit is offending to those that beleive in it. Dont take it that way. I'm only calling it bullshit because no matter how long I look through it... study it and talk about it... I feel as though there is always a missing point within it. I think that may be because the stars are only ruling a portion of our lives. I mean Gravity is endless. It dosen't fade across space so I can see that it it posable to predict small possabilities that would resonate through these probabilities. I beleive that most of our behaviors are brought about through our genetic structure. I also beleive that these out side forces "gravities and radiations" can manipulate to some extent how our gene's grow or adapt also how they affect us by the small stresses not blamable to this world also determines a pull in a general dirrection for emotions or emotional stability. So my conclusion is that it's not entirely wrong... but it's always going to feel like something is missing. So people. Dont dabble in astrology unless you know yourself first. If you do... you'll only get consumed into it in some desprate atempt to find your self using an outside source.
But here's a poem.
I see what life was left for me
Buried deeply beneath the tree
Beneath the earth
I see what soil has entered me
Making sounds of pain
Which scream in my ears
As the world around me dies still
And I see no reason to fall
I see no reason to exist
Though inside my mind
That had been inhabited by darkness
The light that shined
Would die within
But still it peers through
And hope may seep in
Making me cry to see through the pain
Trying to see the other side
Where the grass may grow
And the moon may shine
So that face within my cold dark heart
Could show through the dark miasma
Which has inhabited my mind
Though still I cry
As the rivers within
Created by the sadness within my heart
Created by the warmth given to the light
Making my blood flow warmly
And my tears flow above my cheeks
Like little diamonds that would leave trails of silver
As if in tribute to the moon
I would realize I would still die
Embraced by the earth
Unable to call out to anyone
Unable to cry out in pain
But able to wait for that one soul
That one creature
To dig out my dry bones
And bring me life to my soul once again
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